Preparation (1)

I love my Jadzia. It pains me the thought of her suffering, something she has endured too much of it seems. From being left out in the cold, taking a leap of faith into my life from the cold rain. I ran so hard in hopes I found a lost kitten. I took her in and yet I still felt I had betrayed her. She stayed at my parents house, abused and neglected, trapped and tense. I didnt recognize her. Bringing her here was the right thing to do. She was fat and happy for a couple years. She seemed content at last. And now she is sick. Wasting away. Won't eat, barely drinks. Sleeps her life away more so than usual. She avoids the dog. Its as though she cant wait until I walk in to lay down. She wants to lay in my lap and be comforted so badly. I fear I will regret the many times when other things were prioritized. I want her healthy. It shouldnt be her time yet. Not like this. I was preparing for a few months now and I realize I just refuse to let her go in pain like Shante. Let her go peacefully, without suffering. I believe her lack of interest in food and loss of weight and bad breath are all related. Maybe tooth problems. If I can get her into the vet to check her mouth. I could. I suddenly have a feeling of emergency, if I dont do it asap she might die, even though she has been surviving for weeks now like this... God. Weeks like this. What torture. If she is in pain no wonder she has been sleeping more. Only way to cope now. Pretty soon it will be permanent though. Maybe she can get better and live a few more years. Maybe I can afford the work. I miss the days when she was healthy and sassy. Oh my baby girl. Mommy is here for you. I know youve been trying to tell me something. All these signs are pointing to problems and I am afraid they wont be able to tell me what is wrong and I again waste hundreds.
Please... just please. I dont even know what I am asking for. I dont want her to die yet. If I cant find what is wrong than I submit, but please let there be an easy and obvious problem and solution. My Jadzia.