Ties that Bind

I hear of so many young adults with the ability to pick up and leave, travel to a foreign country surviving off only what they can find and work briefly for. This impulsive adventuring has great appeal to me. Graduating from college would seem the ideal time to take said adventure: no ties, no career or family yet begun, no house to pay off or maintain; all the freedom possible to explore new places, test my limits and skills of survival, learn my mental capacity, discover what I really want from life. Too often have my thoughts wandered to the excitement such a choice would bring, and I long to satisfy the craving for real freedom I have sought all my youth.


Seems perfect timing. Yet I am filled with doubt. Why is it difficult for me to finally partake in the adventure everyone else seems capable of? To travel wherever the wind moves. Is it a question of faith; trusting that everything will work itself out?

Looking unto my reflection reveals the weight sitting across my back. As much as I want to, I am already tied. Sisters, friends, family, can't take a step that would prevent me from being available. My friends take comfort in knowing I am locatable. Fears of abandonment don't have to be addressed if I remain close.

Others have the freedom to pack up and leave whenever they choose. Enjoy life before you get tied down, they say. But somehow I am already. I want some level of security, to know that I will be able to survive in this culture and help others survive. My goal in all I have worked toward has been to someday provide for myself, my sisters, my family, to achieve independence and have the means to offer better quality foods, rather than the cheapest combination of worthless carbs they can afford, shelter worthy of its definition where mold is not growing on every surface and there is space enough to label one room for guests (rather than integrating everyone in a house built for four), where a door is a seven foot piece of wood and not a thin sheet, where a heater is not a device you plug in and sleep next to, money for adequate health care (not the "Oh its just a cold you'll get over it" as my throat is closing up shit). May sound materialistic; true needs are within. Is it so easy for those who have the means to overlook the first step on the hierarchy? Human nature to always improve one's condition. The richest person in the world will still be searching for something. Perhaps this notion of 'more' is not an American attribute, but that of all humans (except for Tibetan monks, they're special).

All my effort so I might shape (prepare for cliche) a brighter future for my family and adopted friends. I would help Shantey out of her grandmothers, out of the city that depresses her to a place she might feel renewed. Take Angela into the sunlight, my mother to Niagra Falls, Michelle to the plains of New Zealand, Laura to the art hub of Japan. The effects of location are dictated by the mind, I understand. But if a simple change of scenery could lift their spirits, it would be worth it.

Tell me, do you free spirits have these sorts of responsibilities binding you to your place of origin?
If I take an adventure it would be under different circumstances: for a brief period, when I know I will be coming back to security and not jeopardizing my chances of building a career. This is how workaholics are formed isn't it.